Together Through Despair


You are the deceived party, as a result of your partner’s infidelity, and you are near to despair.

Perhaps you feel as though everything that was important has collapsed entirely. You re left standing there, looking at the mess and thinking, “How did this happen? Why you, why me?” You are afraid of what is to come and have no idea how to go about making something beautiful from the current mess.

You are the deceiving party who cheated on your partner

Now you may be asking yourself how you could have done it. You would like to make amends but you don’t know how. When you bring it up, the atmosphere becomes grim. You don’t know what to do with the anger and rage you are faced with. Or with the distrust you feel coming at you, the guilt that gnaws at you. Can you fix this mess?

You try to talk about the cheating.

Sometimes it may bring a little relief, but most of the time you find that talking doesn’t bring you closer together. It’s as if all the air is being squeezed out of your relationship and as if everything revolves around just one thing: the infidelity. It’s driving you crazy and you want to forget about it. But the reality is stark, you can’t escape it. You may even be thinking, “Let’s just give up!” But on the other hand, that is not what you want either.
All trust has gone but you do want to move forward together!

Recovering from cheating is possible!

Hundreds of couples have gone before you!

FREE >> ebook First Aid After Indidelity

For Couples Having A Crisis Of Confidence​

You are the deceived party, as a result of your partner’s infidelity, and you are near to despair.

Perhaps you feel as though everything that was important has collapsed entirely. You re left standing there, looking at the mess and thinking, “How did this happen? Why you, why me?” You are afraid of what is to come and have no idea how to go about making something beautiful from the current mess.

Recipe for restoring trust

After cheating

“I believe I have found a kind of recipe for restoring trust”

Passion doesn’t just happen. That’s why, based on my years of experience, I developed this unique online programme for couples who find themselves in a crisis of trust.

I believe I have found a kind of recipe for restoring trust. It is a recipe that combines all the active ingredients I have come across. A recipe that appeals to multiple learning styles and uses different learning tools (video, audio, text, exercises, conversation). It is this combination that makes the training enormously powerful and valuable.

This programme is unique, nowhere else is such a complete package on offer.

Ferdinand Bijzet (NL)

Systemic therapist, gestalt therapist, ECP therapist

The five phases

Together Through Despair. > Together = Samen in Dutch. The (Dutch) acronym S.A.M.E.N. is formed by the first letters of the five modules of this programme: Standing still, Amputate, Mildness/compassion, Evaluate and New opportunity.

Module 1 Standing still

Standing still

The first step is (S)tanding still. Before you start doing anything to achieve recovery, you need to stop and consider where you stand, and above all, to reflect on what you want. Because this programme is only suitable if you have made the choice to go for it.

Module 2 Amputate


The second step is (A)mputate. Recovery is possible only if you are willing to make choices. Working on recovery while the person with whom you (i.e., the deceiving party) cheated is still in the picture is impossible. How do you amputate old influences from your life? But this also applies to the one who was deceived. What non-working reactions do you have to say goodbye to? For instance, extreme control, blaming, punishing....

Module 3 Mildness


The third step is (M)ildness. Recovering from a breach of trust is a demanding process. In all probability, the party who has been deceived has suffered an incredible amount of pain and often wants to talk about this. The party who cheated, on the other hand, often feels relief and wants to look forward. These are two conflicting interests. How does one do justice to both? How do you talk about your fear, anger and rage? How do you listen to this, when you are the one who caused it all?

Module 4 Evaluate


The fourth step is (E)valuate. Cheating is also a signal about the relationship. Often there will have been something missing from the relationship, and in many cases both parties had been dissatisfied with the quality of being together for a while. At this stage, you look critically at your relationship and draw lessons with a view to the future.

Module 5 New Opportunity

New opportunity

The fifth step is (N)ew opportunity. You have wrestled your way through the pain together. How do you start to build a new relationship in which you are and remain passionate about one another? Moreover, the “aftermath" can also crop up in this phase. Sometimes, out of nowhere, the old sense of anxiety is there again. You want to talk about it again and you feel as though you have reverted to a previous phase. How do you deal with that?

Discover the completeness

The programme Together through despair, starts with understanding, moves to healing, and ends with rebuilding for the future.

Understanding the choices you need to make to recover together

This sets the stage for the entire recovery process.

Understanding the boundaries you need to set in order to achieve trust

Before starting on the healing process, it is crucial to understand boundaries and to set them to prevent further hurt.

Understanding how to put up healthy fences around your relationship

This is a continuation of setting boundaries, but it focuses more on the relationship as a whole.

Insight into how to identify and change non-working patterns in your relationship

Identifying problematic patterns is essential before any healing can begin

Handle how to start forgiving, not on a one-off basis, but as a path to healing

Forgiveness is a crucial step in the healing process.

Ways you can leave your anger and hurt behind you

This is the next step after forgiveness: letting go of lingering negative emotions.

Tools to support one another during intense emotions such as grief, pain and anger

As you work through the healing process, you’ll need tools to handle intense emotions

Tools on how to deal with your partner’s anger and recriminations

This is a more specific toolset for handling your partner’s emotions.

Knowledge about how your damaged sexuality can begin to blossom again

Addressing intimacy is crucial during the recovery of a romantic relationship.

Hope of starting over

This signifies a turning point where both partners are ready to move forward.

Handle how you are going to prevent a “second time”.

Ensuring that past mistakes aren’t repeated is essential for the future of the relationship.

A vision of how to build a long-term love relationship with one another

This is the final step, focusing on the future and building a lasting bond.

What does the programme offer?

The programme offers a comprehensive guide to recovery, drawing on the history of hundreds of couples who have successfully navigated this path before. Taking five months to complete, it emphasizes the importance of patience, instead of rushing the recovery process which is a common pitfall. To keep you on track, you'll receive weekly commitment e-mails, providing that extra nudge when needed.

Stilstanding Still​

  • Calculating the costs
  • Getting outside help
  • What to share about the affair
  • Do you want to forgive me ​


  • Amputation for the deceived
  • Amputation for the cheater
  • Dealing with memories
  • Boundaries, those who weed their own garden
  • From secrecy to openness


  • The pit of despair
  • A pit full of questions and reproaches
  • How can I comfort you?
  • To make love or not to make love


  • What lessons have we learnt?
  • Which non-effective patterns
  • Fences
  • How full is your love tank?

New Opportunity

  • Forgiving again – part 1
  • Forgiving again – part 2
  • Aftermath
  • Recovery of sexuality
  • Ongoing intimacy
The best advice is to seek the support of a therapist. Therapy after a breach of trust involves a combination of lots of talking and counselling.
Receive guidance through video, audio, worksheets, exercises and text, because it has been proven that the combination of reading, seeing and hearing leads to greatly improved learning and change efficiency.
You will work with a buddy, because research has shown that working with such an ally increases both learning efficiency and the success rate.

Client Testimonials

Ferdinand taught us how to talk about our problems and pain in a good and healing way, without ending up in our pattern, which was driving us both crazy. Though cheating is still a sore spot in our relationship, we have learned a lot about ourselves and about one another. Ferdinand caused a turnabout in how we deal with our problems. Now, one year on, we are very happy with one another. We now have our eyes set firmly on the future again. Thank you again, Ferdinand."
M & J
"Thank you for making the effort to share and make your vast experience available in this way. We started the programme last week and thankfully it offers hope on days that are sometimes fraught with fear.”
R & T
“The first free video that I received from you was very good. You speak so calmly and quietly. You have given me hope, I can’t wait to get the next video. I hope the trust will come back, one step at a time, and that we, as a couple that has been together for almost 16 years, can continue for a long time, stronger and happier."
D & B

Together Through Despair

199 per partner
  • I will share with you the recipe for restoring trust in your relationship
  • You will be guided through all five stages of the programme
  • You will receive weekly commitment emails, providing that extra nudge when needed
  • You will get all content in video and written format

How therapists use this program in their sessions

This therapy programme was developed by the Dutch therapist, Ferdinand Bijzet. He runs his own relationship practice and also owns a national training institute. Across the Netherlands, more than 50 therapists use the Dutch version of this programme. Discover below how they incorporate this programme into their practices. Therapists interested in using this method with their clients can contact us at

Overcoming Addiction and Rediscovering love

”A young couple faced challenges when the husband’s sex/porn addiction came to light. With support from S.A.M.E.N. (Dutch version of this programme) and counselling sessions, they learned to communicate about their pain, frustrations and desires. They are currently expecting their first child, and though they continue to work through challenges, their bond has been strengthened. The husband was deeply moved when his wife expressed the depth of the love she feels for her husband. Their commitment to therapy and the S.A.M.E.N. programme, along with regular get-togethers with their respective buddies, has been transformative. As their therapist, the most rewarding feedback I received was: “You taught us to communicate, and now we continue that at home.” Therapist J S

Guiding couples

“I assist couples using the (Dutch) S.A.M.E.N. programme, which acknowledges both partners and quickly turns their issues into a joint effort. The programme directs my approach as a therapist. While couples work independently, I offer support through regular check-ins, weekly in the beginning, and regulate the lessons according to the progress they make.”

Therapist A (Anonymous)

Navigate on their own

“My clients navigate the programme on their own, but I monitor their pace to ensure they don’t rush. I use the online structure and schedule intermittent sessions with them. Additionally, I integrate EFT into our sessions.”

Therapist B (Anonymous)

FREE > First Aid After Infidelity

For Couples Having A Crisis Of Confidence Based on extensive observations and interactions with hundreds of couples over the past fifteen years, this e-book distils the ten most crucial lessons that have consistently emerged. These insights are collective wisdom gleaned from years of study and engagement with couples from various walks of life.